Marty and Jane were driving home after an expensive – yet bland –
dinner. Since Martys minor heart attack 15 years ago, Jane had kept
her hubby on a strict, low sodium, low fat, low cholesterol diet,
depriving him of all the foods he loved.

As Marty turned the corner at a busy intersection, another car slammed
into theirs, killing Marty and Jane instantly.

St. Peter greeted the couple at the Pearly Gates and took them on a
tour of Heaven. Their first stop was a luxury mansion, Your new
home, St. Peter told them.

Looking at the expensive marble floors, Marty asked, How much is this
going to cost us?

Nothing, St. Peter replied. Everything is free in Heaven.

Next, they visited their new championship-style golf course.

This is your private golf course, St. Peter said. It changes daily,
representing the greatest golf courses on Earth.

What are the green fees? Marty asked.

This is Heaven, St. Peter said. You play for free, my friend.

Then they went to the clubhouse and saw a lavish buffet made from the
best cuisine Earth had to offer.

How much to eat? Marty asked.

St. Peter replied, My friend, dont you understand yet? This is
Heaven – its all free!

I see, Marty said, scratching his chin. Tell me, is that meal low
sodium, low fat and low cholesterol?

No, St. Peter said. And thats really the best part: You can eat as
much as you like, of whatever you want, and never get fat or sick.
This is Heaven!

With that, Marty pitched a fit: He tossed his halo on the floor and
took the Lords name in vain (several times, in fact).

Marty! Jane cried. Whats wrong?

Marty glared at his wife. Whats wrong? Ill tell you whats wrong!
If it wasnt for your daggone bran muffins, I could have been here
fifteen years ago!