Whats with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking — Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; Id better carpet the toilet too.

Whats with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant Ill just say, Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly.

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, theyre killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? Sweetheart, lets make up. Have this deceased squirrel.

Cant we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why dont they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why dont you ever see anyone take one to the beach?