13
Apr

How to liven up

How to liven up Thanksgiving dinner…



Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.



Shoot olive pits at Grampas glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)



Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud BUZZing noise.



Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dads not looking.



Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.



Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.



Hold your nose while you eat.



Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.



Mid-meal turn to mom and say, See mom, I told you they wouldnt notice, you were worried for nothing.



Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your shake back to the table.



Announce that youve got a new fear of choking.



When you arrive, promise that your date wont be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.



Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, THE SAFETY IS ON, while you hold your pocket.

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