28
Jul

How To Speak Southern

Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And were here to help…

Hah Tu Spek Suthun:

Bard – verb. Past tense of the infinitive to borrow.

Usage: My brother bard my pickup truck.

Jawjuh – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.

Usage: My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.

Munts – noun. A calendar division.

Usage: My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts.

All – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.

Far – noun. A conflagration.

Usage: If my brother from Jawjuh doesnt change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.

Bahs – noun. A supervisor.

Usage: If you dont stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!

Tar – noun. A rubber wheel.

Usage: Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesnt git a flat tar in my pickup truck.

Tire – noun. A tall monument.

Usage: Lord willing and the creeks dont rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.

Retard – Verb. To stop working.

Usage: My granpaw retard at age 65.

Rats – noun. Entitled power or privilege.

Usage: We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats.

Farn – adjective. Not local.

Usage: I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from some farn country.

Juhere – a question.

Usage: Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?

Haze – a contraction.

Usage: Is Bubba smart? Nah … haze ignert.

View – contraction: verb and pronoun.

Usage: I aint never seed New York City … view?

Gummit – Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.

Usage: Great … ANOTHER gummit shutdown!

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