How To Tell That Its Going To Be A Bad Day

  • You wake up face down on the pavement.
  • You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
  • You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
  • You see a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.
  • Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

  • You want to put the clothes on you wore home from the party
    but find there arent any.

  • Your twin brother forgot your birthday.

  • You turn on the news and theyre showing emergency routes
    from the city.

  • Your car horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as
    you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway.

  • You wake to discover your waterbed has sprung a leak and
    then realize you dont have a waterbed.

  • Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
  • The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

  • You call your answering service and youre told to mind
    your own business.

  • Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
  • Your tax refund check bounces.
  • You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
  • Your pet rock snaps at you.

  • Your wife says Good Morning, Bill and your name is

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