Hugh Hefners options for the use of his new house

The Los Angeles Times recently reported that Playboy founder Hugh Hefner spent $4.5 million for a 5,500-square-foot house near his existing home, the infamous Playboy Mansion.

Lets think about this for a moment: Hef already has a home with a grotto. A grotto! What could be better than that? What might Mr. Hefner be planning to install in this new home?

Jacuzzi fluid reprocessing station
Place for Anna Nicole to stay that is vomit-safe
Empty field for burying ruptured implants
Holding tank for sweaty, crotch-tugging pals of Leo DiCaprio
Genetics lab dedicated to breaking the two breast rule
Laundering facilities specializing in stained leopard prints
Doll house for doll family sculpted from used collagen
Enormous art project utilizing hair skimmed from grotto

by Christopher Painter

Copyright 2001 Modern Humorist, Inc.

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