Human Resources Memo!

TO: All Employees FROM: Human Resources

It has been brought to managements attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.

Therefore, a list of TRY SAYING new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: Im certain that isnt feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

TRY SAYING: I wasnt involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: Its not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: Thats interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: Ill try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didnt you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Hes not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: Hes got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: Im a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, Im on salary.

TRY SAYING: I dont think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?


TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it. INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting!

TRY SAYING: Hes somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: Hes a prick. TRY SAYING: Shes an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: Shes a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You dont know what the fuck youre doing.

TRY SAYING: So you werent happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

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