Next time youre invited to a boring social event, try one of these excuses to why you cant attend:

ID LOVE TO BUT…

… I dont want to leave my comfort zone. … I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary. … I have to answer all of my occupant letters. … I have to fluff my shower cap. … I have to fulfill my potential. … I left my body in my other clothes. … I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist. … Ill be looking for a parking space. … Im being deported. … Im converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian. … Im giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store. … Im going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise. … Im sandblasting my oven. … Im taking a crash course in punk totem pole carving. … Im worried about my vertical hold. … Ive come down with a really horrible case of something or other. … Ive got a Friends of the Rutabaga meeting. … its too close to the turn of the century. … my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then. … my plot to take over the world is thickening. … my subconscious says no. … none of my socks match. … the grunion are running. … the last time I went, I never came back. … the monsters havent turned blue yet; I have to eat more dots.