Im glad Im a woman

Im glad Im a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I dont live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
I dont brag to my buddies about my erections
I wont drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I dont get wasted at parties and act like a clown
and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!

I wont grab your hooters, I wont pinch your butt
my belt buckles not hidden beneath my beer gut
and I dont go around re-adjusting my crotch
or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
I dont belch in public, I dont scratch my behind
Im a woman you see — Im just not that kind!

Im glad Im a woman, Im so glad I could sing
I dont have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesnt grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over you cant see 3 inches of crack
And whats on my head doesnt leave with my comb
Ill never buy a toupee to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
Im a woman, you know — Ive got far too much pride!

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
I dont live to play golf and shoot basketball
I dont swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I wont tell you my wife just does not understand
stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, Im glad Im a woman, a woman you see
you can forget all about that old penis envy
I dont long for male bonding, I dont cruise for chicks
join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
Im a woman by chance and Im thankful its true
Im so glad Im a woman and not a man like you!