You know you are addicted to your Italian roots when…

• You pay the paperboy with LIRA
• You answer your neighbors by grunting and saying, No speaka Engleesh!
• You tell people that Raffaele, Michelangelo and Donatello of Ninja Turtle fame are your first cousins.
• You start calling your wife Gina and tell her youll be happy to pay for breast enlargements.
• You carry Italian road maps in your glove compartment
• You can recite the name of every province in Italy in 2 minutes (and you can spell them in 4 minutes).
• You get arrested at the Mall after the police dont accept your explanation that Italians are overcome by a natural urge to pinch buttocks after 22 women identity you
• You leave work at 10 AM because its quitting time in Rome.
• You call WPIX-TV in NYC to ask why the Yankee announcers ARE speaking English
• You spray paint over the chrome Buick emblem on your automobile and write FIAT in 12 inch letters
• You are arrested for fighting after punching a fellow Italian who told you that in WWII he stopped an advancing Italian tank by shooting the Italian pushing it.
• You are fined for adding the word Via to 51 streets signs in your neighborhood
• You write to Rome to complain about proposed state tax legislation in Iowa.
• The priest asks you to find another church after you pass out 500 bumper stickers during mass which read, Italians Make Better Lovers