08
Jan

Italian roots

You know you are addicted to your Italian roots when…

  • You pay the paperboy with LIRA
  • You answer your neighbors by grunting and saying, No speaka Engleesh!
  • You tell people that Raffaele, Michelangelo and Donatello of Ninja Turtle fame are your first cousins.
  • You start calling your wife Gina and tell her youll be happy to pay for breast enlargements.
  • You carry Italian road maps in your glove compartment
  • You can recite the name of every province in Italy in 2 minutes (and you can spell them in 4 minutes).
  • You get arrested at the Mall after the police dont accept your explanation that Italians are overcome by a natural urge to pinch buttocks after 22 women identity you
  • You leave work at 10 AM because its quitting time in Rome.
  • You call WPIX-TV in NYC to ask why the Yankee announcers ARE speaking English
  • You spray paint over the chrome Buick emblem on your automobile and write FIAT in 12 inch letters
  • You are arrested for fighting after punching a fellow Italian who told you that in WWII he stopped an advancing Italian tank by shooting the Italian pushing it.
  • You are fined for adding the word Via to 51 streets signs in your neighborhood
  • You write to Rome to complain about proposed state tax legislation in Iowa.
  • The priest asks you to find another church after you pass out 500 bumper stickers during mass which read, Italians Make Better Lovers

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