Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his
proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid
no one would have him. In fact, he couldnt bring himself to tell his
fiancee about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she
bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying
was, Darling, Ive got a big surprise for you, at which she blushed and
smiled bewitchingly.

The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last
alone in their hotel room. Now dont forget, Harry, you promised me a big
surprise, said the bride.

Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his
wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wifes hand on the stump.

Hmmmmm, she said softly, that IS a surprise. But pass me the
Vaseline and Ill see what I can do!

This couple is lying in bed one morning, and she takes it in mind to
tell him the dream she had the night before. Honey, I dreamed I was at a
cock auction: there were extra-large cocks going for $90 or so, medium-size
cocks selling for $50, and itty-bitty ones for $1.50.

Say, was mine in the auction? the man inquires a bit anxiously.

Honey, yours wouldve been too big to get in the door.

A couple of days later theyre lying in bed again, and the man says,
You wouldnt believe what I dreamed last night: that I was at a pussy auction.
There were great big ones, and little hairy ones, oh, all kinds.

Well, did you see mine? she asks.

Baby, he says, the auction was IN your pussy!

– Steve DiPirro