17
Mar

Its tough to be a Santa (language)

Dear Boys and Girls,

Well, its that time of year again and once again I am busting my ass to get everything done in time for my big night. What a pain it has been. Shortages from Japan, elves who dont know shit about electronic toys, a sleigh that is falling apart and then I caught the Missus fooling around with one of the elves. Who knew? I always thought the little bastards were gay!

I really am getting too old for this shit. It used to be so simple… wooden toys and dolls that didnt do anything, but now its electronic gizmos up the ass, and what the hell does an old fart like me know about computers? I put my naughty/nice list on the computer a few years ago and the damn thing crashed. Lost all the nice kids. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to fly tech support to the north pole?

Dont even get me started on the damn reindeer. Eight tiny reindeer my ass! Too much hay and carrots. They are so damn fat I have my doubts they will even get off the ground.

I shouldnt talk. I always go on a diet the day after Christmas. Too many damn cookies and milk. Of course, now what do the little kiddies leave me? Low fat milk and fat free cookies! Thats all I get, especially in California with all those damn health nuts. Is it too much to ask to leave the fat man a good stiff drink to keep him warm through the night?

Enough about my problems. How have you been? Hope things are going well for you and yours. Not sure what time I will be flying over your house but with the FAA and their new freaking rules, its going to be a very long night.

Heres wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!

Lots of love,

Santa

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