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In California (especially Silicon Valley), we dont gripe about the
weather–we gripe about the high cost of housing. For those of you
just starting out (or for those of you who have already been there),
allow me to offer you:

The Complete Guide to Apartment Ad Deciphering

What They Say What It Means

spacious hole in the wall
to anyone living in their car
thats why were charging $200 above the
going rate

easy access to transportation Particularly in Mountain View and
Sunnyvale, this can mean:
(a) in the flight path of Moffet Field
(b) next to the railroad tracks
(c) next to a major road/freeway/highway
(d) a&b, b&c, c&a above
(e) all of the above

friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality

free utilities Thats the only way we can entice people
in this dump.
Would you pay this high rent AND the
water and garbage?

heated pool only when the suns out
only when theres water in it

workout room four walls, some free weights, a machine
or two and a clunky stationary bike

great views reach out and touch your neighbor!
overlooking the garbage dumpster
overlooking the pool
overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment

affordable to:
(a) anyone with an income of $100 K
(b) anyone with wealthy parents
(c) anyone who is wealthy
(d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing

Please fill out our What?! You didnt fill out the annual
marketing survey. income? We cant show you anything
until you fill that out. You wont?
Im sorry, but we cant show you anything.

pets welcome kids arent
we just never got the odor out

AEK All Electricity Kancelled

W/D Will be Disgusted
Worried/Depressed people

AC Atrocious Carpeting

WWC Wall to Wall Crap

great rent bargains! located in East Palo Alto
(Complex insurance does not cover bullet
holes in car, self-protection devices,
frequent theft and/or life insurance)

light and airy built as cheap as we could
cold and drafty

secure parking the managers apartment overlooks the
parking lot
No ones been robbed on the street.
covered parking

move in bonus! no one else wants it
it hasnt been rented in six months
includes last tenants stuffed parrot

!!! desperation is directly linked to the
number of !s used

rustic classic 60s decor
nothing has been fixed since the Loma Prieta
outhouse is in the back
only one heating vent

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