Language Of The Sexes

Womens English

Im sorry.Youll be sorry.
We needI want

Its your decisionThe correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you wantYoull pay for this later
We need to talkI need to complain
Sure… go aheadI dont want you to
Im not upsetOf course Im upset, you moron!
Youre … so manlyYou need a shave and you sweat a lot
Youre certainly attentive tonightIs sex all you ever think about?
Be romanticturn out the lights I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenientI want a new house
I want new curtainsand carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper and …
Hang the picture thereNO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noiseI noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?Im going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?I did something today youre really not going to like
Ill be ready in a minuteKick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat?Tell me Im beautiful.
You have to learn to communicateJust agree with me
Are you listening to me!?Too late, youre dead.
Was that the baby?Why dont you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
Im not yelling!Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The answer to Whats wrong?:a) The same old thing Nothing
b) Nothing Everything
c) Everything My PMS is acting up
d) Nothing, really Its just that youre such an asshole

Mens English

Im hungry.Im hungry.
Im sleepy.Im sleepy.
Im tired.Im tired.
Do you want to go to a movie?Id eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?Id eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?Id eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance?Id eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress!Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage.I want to fondle you.
Whats wrong?I dont see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
Whats wrong?What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
Whats wrong?I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
Im bored.Do you want to have sex?
I love you.Lets have sex now.
I love you, too.Okay, I said it … wed better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.I liked it better before.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.$50 and it doesnt look that much different!
Lets talk.I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then youd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me?I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) I like that one better.Pick any freakin dress and lets go home!

Most viewed Jokes (20)