Q: How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly?
A: When your lawyer doesnt seem like a bloodsucking leech anymore.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: A leech will let go and drop off when its victim dies.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a dalmation?
A: A dalmation knows when to stop chasing the ambulance.

Q: What do slime molds have more of than lawyers?
A: Respect.

Q: What does molds, ooze, and lawyers have in common?
A: Theyre all slime.

Q: Why did the lawyer cross the road?
A: To get to the car accident on the other side.

Q: What are some of the requirements in becoming a lawyer?
A: You must be able to get muggers, rapists, and pope abusers off the hook, and must have at least one relative who works at IBM.

Q: What kind of lure must you use if you want to attract lawyers so as to shoot them?
A: You may use any as long as it yells every once in a while Im gonna sue! or Help, Ive fallen and I cant get up!

Q: What would happen if you lock a cannibal in a room full of lawyers? A: He would starve to death.

Q: Why dont hyenas eat lawyers?
A: Even hyenas have some dignity.