January 19th – Clone Patent Day

In 2000, the U.S. biotechnology company Geron Corporation, which had bought the Scottish research company formed by those who had cloned Dolly the sheep, won the first UK patents for cloning. The patents covered the nuclear transfer technology used to create Dolly in 1996.

LEAK SUPPORT

*ring* *ring*

Hello! Technical Support, how can I help you?

Well, I was sorta hoping someone could walk me through taking a leak.

Okay … well, do you have to go now?

Yes, I do

Okay … well, are you on male or female equipment?

MALE-CLONE.

Okay, the first thing we want to do is find your fly.

My what?

Your fly … it opens your pants. It should be in the front of you. Look down.

I see shoes.

No, sir … look sorta in the front of you … like just below your stomach. You should see some metal on your pants. Thats your fly.

The round thing?

Well, thats your button … lets open that, too, while were down there. The fly looks like a lot of little metal things sideways.

Oh, okay … got it. [pause] Okay, its open.

Okay, sir … can you grab your willy?

No.

Do you see your willy?

No.

Okay … what do you see?

I see white … just white and some lines.

Do you have underwear installed?

No.

Sir, if you cant see your willy, and you see only white … I think that you may have underwear installed. We are going to have to uninstall your underwear to take a leak.

Well, my friend was the last one to use my fly … he might have installed underwear.

Okay, sir … well grab the white part and pull down … keep pulling until you see your willy.

Its stuck … it wont go down.

The white part? Or your willy?

My willy …

DONT pull down on your willy, sir … just the underwear. We only want to get to the point where we can see it….

Oh … okay, were there.

Okay … now look around the room … do you see anything made of porcelain?

I see a little penguin on a shelf.

Okay, sir …youre in the living room. Go to the bathroom. We cant take a leak until we are in the bathroom. The bathroom will have a lot of tile, maybe some carpeting. Yours might have mirrors or some soap in it. Some people have showers in their bathrooms.

Well, Im downstairs … I think the bathroom is upstairs.

Okay, well … lets go upstairs.

I cant walk …

Okay, sir … temporarily reinstall your underwear … then go upstairs … then uninstall your underwear again.

That was the white part, right?

Yes, sir … thats correct.

[pause] Okay, Im upstairs.

Okay … now do you see any porcelain bowl-type things?

Well, theres two…

How tall are you sir?

54

Okay … go to the one where its lower than your willy.

Okay, Im there.

Now, make sure that you are pointing toward the porcelain bowl … now just go.

What do you mean?

Well, when it pops up … just hit OK.