The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them. Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.

April 18, 1994



Mr. John T. Mongan 123 Main Street Smalltown, California 9;;;;,-;;;;,



Dear John:



Youve got the grades. Youve certainly got the PSAT scores. And now youve got a letter from MIT. Maybe youre surprised. Most students would be.



But youre not most students. And thats exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.



The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!



Engineerings not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.



What? Of course, you dont want to be bored. Who does? Life here is tough and demanding, but its also fun. MIT students are imaginative and creative – inside and outside the classroom.



Youre interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams – 39 – than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.



You think were too expensive? Dont be too sure. Weve got surprises for you there, too.



Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?



Sincerely,



Michael C. Benhke Director of Admissions



P.S. If youd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, Insight, just check the appropriate box on the form.



May 5, 1994



Michael C. Behnke MIT Director of Admissions Office of Admissions, Room 3-108 Cambridge MA 02139-;;;;,



Dear Michael:



Youve got the reputation. Youve certainly got the pomposity. And now youve got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe youre surprised. Most universities would be.



But youre not most universities. And thats exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only one of the thousands of accredited universities in the country.



The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongans future education. It certainly got my attention!



Dont want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.



What? Of course you dont want egotistical jerks. Who does? I am self indulgent and over confident, but Im also amusing. John Mongan is funny and amusing – whether youre laughing with him or at him.



Youre interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more sports – 47 – than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.



You think I can pay for your school? Dont be too sure. Ive got surprises for you there, too.



Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?



Sincerely,



John Mongan



P.S. If youd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, John Mongan: What a Guy! just ask.



John never got a reply.