Dear Male Giggler:

Your name has been submitted to us with your nude photo, and I regret to inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centerfold.

On a scale of 0 to 10, your body was rated -2 by our panel of women ranging in age from 60 to 75 years. We tried to assemble a panel of women ranging from 23 to 35, but we could not get them to stop laughing long enough to reach a decision.

Should the taste of the American women ever change so drastically that bodies such as yours would be appropriate in our centerfold, you will be notified by this office. In the meantime, dont call us, well call you!

Sympathetically,

Jack Meoff

Centerfold Editor

P.S. We do commend you for your unusual pose. We were wondering, were you wounded in the war, or do you ride your bike a lot?