How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.

What is love?
The delusion that one woman differs from another.

What is the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job still sucks.

Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldnt breed.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
Because they dont have balls.

Whats the difference between your bonus and your dick?
You dont have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.

Why is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.

What s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who wont do as shes told.

Why are wives like condoms?
They both spend too much time in your wallet, and not enough time on the end of your dick.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner?
Why the hell should we fix it? We dont use the damn thing.

What is a wife?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

How are women like parking spaces?
The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They cant stand to see a man having a good time.

Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A $100 bill.

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares – what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?