How does a man take a bubble bath?

He eats beans for dinner.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they dont have testicles.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts dont have eyes.

Why dont men eat more M&Ms?

Theyre too hard to peel.

What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?

Gifted.

Whats a mans idea of foreplay?

A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?

Hes breathing.

What do men and bottles of beer have in common?

Theyre both empty from the neck up.

How can you tell if a man is happy?

Who cares!!!!

What is the thinnest book in the world?

What Men Know About Women

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. Men will screw anything!

How do you save a man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

We dont know – its never happened.

Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?

Because theyre stupid.

How are men and parking spots alike?

The good ones are always taken.

Why do men like love at first sight?

It saves them a lot of time.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children.

What does a man of 35 think of?

Dating children.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

In real life, men arent affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why dont men have mid-life crises?

They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show hes planning for the Future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?

All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?

At the circus the clowns dont talk.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks hes Gods gift?

Exchange him.

Why do bachelors like smart women?

Opposites attract.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

Theyre hard to get started, emit foul odors, and dont work half time.

Whats the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when its getting interesting, theyre finished until next time.

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them.