In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. – Elizabeth Ashley

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. – Jim Backus

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. – Honore de Balzac

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. – Ray Bandy

Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. – Baskins

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabors sixth husband. I know what Im supposed to do, but I dont know how to make it interesting. – Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions

Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. – Ambrose Bierce

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. – Ambrose Bierce

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. – David Bissonette

Ah Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasnt. – Borge

In the blithe days of honeymoon, With Kates allurements smitten, I lovd her late, I lovd her soon, And calld her dearest kitten.

But now my kittens grown a cat, And cross like other wives. O! By my soul my honest Mat, I fear she has nine lives. – James Boswell Life of Johnson

A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. – Boudelaire

For a male and female to live continuously together is…biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition. – Robert Briffault

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. – Lenny Bruce

Never tell. Not if you love your wife… In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and shell believe it: Im tellin ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck Lay on Top of Me Or Ill Die. I didnt know what I was gonna do… – Lenny Bruce

Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. – Al Bundy

Nothing says lovin like marrying your cousin! – Al Bundy

Once a boy becomes a man, hes a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife. – Al Bundy

I hate work. Thats why I got married. – Peg Bundy

I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with. – Peg Bundy

The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong. – Archie Bunker

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. – Butler

If you are afraid of loneliness, dont marry. – Chekhov

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. – G. K. Chesterton

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. – S. T. Coleridge