Place-Mats: They only show up when theres food on the table.
Mascara: They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Bike Helmets: Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Government Bonds: They take so long to mature.
Parking Spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
Copiers: You need them for reproduction, but thats about it.
Lava Lamps: Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Bank Accounts: Without a lot of money, they dont generate much interest.
High Heels: Theyre easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Curling Irons: Theyre always hot, and theyre always in your hair.
Mini Skirts: If youre not careful, theyll creep up your legs.
Bananas: The older they get, the less firm they are.
Fine wine: They all start out like grapes, and its our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something youd want to have dinner with.
Vacations: They never seem to last long enough.
Computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.
Coffee: The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Horoscopes: They always tell you what to do, and theyre usually wrong.
Plungers: They spend most of their time in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Snowstorms: You never know when theyre coming, how many inches youll get or how long it will last.