Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as restrooms, bathrooms, outhouses, commodes, mens rooms, and several other names.

As with any exclusive organization, wholly half the human race arent allowed through the door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to maintain a sense of order and dignity.

General rules:

1. Dont talk to somebody you dont know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself.

2. A quick glance in the mirror is permissible, but absolutely dont spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing, etc. Zit popping is only permissible after checking to see nobody else is around.

3. No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only.

4. If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to keep looking around. Read graffiti.

Grafitti rules:

5. All graffiti is anonymous. If theres any chance somebody can trace your graffiti back to you, dont do it.

6. Writing graffiti in the open section of the bathroom is only acceptable if nobody can see you. Writing in the stalls is similarly acceptable.

7. If the bathroom is sufficiently public, feel free to insult different ethnic/racial/sexual groups. If the bathroom is used by a small few, restraint comments to amusing anecdotes or chit-chat about secretaries. If visiting dignitaries from other companies or the government may tend to use the bathroom, graffiti is forbidden.

8. Traditionally, all pictures feature women in various states of undress. Modern standards often include portions of male anatomy, discretely placed. Homosexual graffiti is generally frowned upon but is gaining popularity.

9. Pictures must only be drawn in toilet stalls.

10. Any sufficiently interesting graffiti will be painted over by the management of the bathroom.

Urinal rules:

11. Given a string of unoccupied urinals, you must choose one on the outside. When one outside urinal is occupied, use the other side, then middle. Avoid standing directly next to somebody at all costs.

For example, given seven urinals, here are acceptable configurations: X……(X = occupied, . = empty) X…..X X..X..X X.X.X.X XXX.X.X