02
Feb

Microsoft Dinner 98

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFTS NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:





You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to



accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not



give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an



infringement of Microsofts rights). You may, however, let others



smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how



good it is.



If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.



Set the oven using these keystrokes:



mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat



Then enter:



ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.



If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press



start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.



If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the



ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of



the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The



oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to



your specification.



Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your



oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the



dinner from the oven and enter:



ms.nodamn.good/tryagainagain/again.crap



This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave



and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesnt work, contact your



oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.



Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger



than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of



which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too



large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.



Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the



chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety,



call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really dont want



another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.



Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of



their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger



family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must



be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.



Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after 98. However,



that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get



thrilled in advance.



Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the



freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,



not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

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