Much Improved

A husband was worried about the decline in the quality of his marriage so he discreetly went to a marriage counselor to discuss the problem.

The counselor asked, Do you kiss your wife when you get home from work, remind her every now and then of how much you love her, and show her all the little attentions that you did during the first few years of your marriage?

Uhh, no, I guess not, the husband replied.

That happens with many married couples, the counselor replied. I suggest that you begin starting today to do all those little nice things for her…fuss over her, buy her flowers, bring candy home to her, and try to be a lover again instead of just a husband.

That sounds good to me. Youre right. Ill start this evening.

So when the husband got home that night, he presented his wife at the door with a dozen long-stemmed roses, gave her a big hug and kiss and said, Were going out on the town tonight, sweet lips, just the two of us and were going to have a good time. Ive reserved a table at the Hilton, two seats for a great musical to see after dinner, and thats only the beginning!

His wife stared at him, then burst into tears. What! Whats wrong, honey? Tell me whats the matter? the husband cried.

Well, Susie came home from high school today and told me that shes pregnant. Then our bank called us today to tell us that five checks have bounced and that we should immediately make a deposit. Then our cat, Mittens, got run over by a car and poor little Katie is in her room sobbing her eyes out right now. And I totally wrecked the car while I was trying to rush Mittens to the animal clinic. And now…(sniff)(sniff)…now… she broke off and sobbed deeply.

Now what, honey, tell me. Please tell me. the husband begged.

And now, you come home drunk!!!!

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