Interviewer: Sir Thomas, have you ever conducted Schoenberg?

Sir Thomas Beecham: No, but I trod in some once.

[The following was probably written by a violinist]

A princess was walking through her garden one day when she sees a frog sitting on a lily pad. As she gets closer she realises, to her amazement, that it is talking to her.

Princess, princess, please help me. A wicked witch turned me into a frog – I used to be a musician – I played beautiful music in a great orchestra. If you kiss me I can become human and play music again.

The princess said, Oh how sad, of course Ill help you. By the way, what instrument did you play?

The frog replied, I used to play the viola.

Ah said the princess. You know, I think you could have a great future as a talking frog.