St. Moms Wort
Plant extract that treats moms
depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for
up to six hours.

Emptynestrogen
Highly effective suppository that
eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how
awful they were as teenagers and how you couldnt wait
til they moved out.

Peptobimbo
Liquid silicone for single women. Two
full cups swallowed before an evening out increases
breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves
flirting

Dumerol
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q., enhancing enjoyment of bar-style
country western music.

Flipitor
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other
drivers.

Antiboyotics
When administered to teenage girls, is
highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone
lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin
Potent antiboyotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, You make me
want to be a better person … can we get naked now?

Buyagra
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-One-All
When combined with
Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so
severe the victim may even come home with an Eminem
Does Broadway CD or a Phyllis Diller exercise tape.

Jackasspirin
Relieves headache caused by a man who cant
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-Talksident
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be
used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total
strangers.

Sexcedrin
More effective than Excedrin in treating
the, Not now, dear, I have a headache, syndrome.

Ragamet
When administered to a husband, provides the
same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving
the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Damitol
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to
hell for up to 8 hours.