20
Apr

New office vocabulary

Assmosis
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Blamestorming
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

Blowing your buffer
Losing your train of thought.

Salmon day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chain saw consultant
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM – Career-limiting move
Used among micro serfs to describe the ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. Ive been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.

Flight Risk
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404
Someone whos clueless. From the World Wide Web error message 404 Not Found, meaning that the requested document could not be located. Dont bother asking him … hes 404, man.

Keyboard Plaque
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Ohnosecond
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that youve just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm (an office full of cubicles) and everyones head pops up over the walls to see whats going on.

Telephone Number Salary
A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

Umfriend
A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in This is Dale, my … um … friend.

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