05
Mar

North and South – different lifestyles

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

If you run your car into a ditch, dont panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a 12 pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Dont try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Dont be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, yall is singular, all yall is plural, and all yalls is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing You aint from around here, are ya?

You may hear a Southerner say Ought! to a dog or child. This is short for Yall oughta not do that! and is the equivalent of saying No!

Dont be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They cant understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerners vocabulary is the adjective bigol, as in bigol truck or bigol boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that He needed killin is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, Hey, yall, watch this, stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words hell ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesnt matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere tractors, and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush, green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

If you settle in the South & bear children, dont think well accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldnt call em biscuits.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes

The South has mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses

The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services

The South has family reunions

The North has switchblade knives

The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names

The South has double first names

The North has an ambulance,

The South has an amalance

The North has the Mafia,

The South has NASCAR

The North has Indy car races

The South has Swamp Buggy races

The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal

The South has grits

The North has green salads

The South has collard greens and chitlins

The North has lobsters

The South has crawdads

The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores

The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners

The North has the rust belt

The South has the Bible Belt

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