12
Dec

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

A: Holes all over Australia.

12
Dec

sweet insults

you are so sweet, but i prefer salty

12
Dec

Cockney Alphabet going around the net.

This is what the Cockney alphabet looks like:
AlexB

A for Orses (ay for orses)
B for Mutton (Beef or Mutton)
C for Miles (see for miles)
D for Ential (Differential)
E for Brick (Eave a Brick)
F for Vessence (Effervescence)
G for Get It (Gee, forget it!)
H for Bless You (Aitsshfa! A sneeze)
I for The Engine (Ivor the Engine)
J for Oranges (Jaffa Oranges)
K for Restaurant (Cafe or Restaurant)
L for Leather (Ell for Leather)
M for Sis (Emphasis)
N for Lope (Envelope)
O for The Garden Wall (Over the Garden Wall)
P for Relief (??)
Q for a Bus (Queue for a Bus)
R for Mo (alf a Mo)
S for Rantzen (Esther Rantzen)
T for Two (Tea for Two)
U for Me (You for Me)
V for La France (Vive la France)
W for the Winnings (Double you for the Winnings)
X for Breakfast (Eggs for Breakfast)
Y for Husband (Wife or Husband)
Z for Wind (Zephyr Wind)

[Ed: There are various versions of some of these, check rec.humor for
them if you desire.]

12
Dec

Liberal Episcopalians

Q: Hey… Did you here about the new Episcopal Church that just

opened up?

A: They are so liberal that they have 6 commandments and 4

suggestions.

12
Dec

Another terrorist is detained

CHICAGO – The war on terrorism took a strange and sad turn Monday when airline officials at OHare International Airport refused to let a 77 year old grandmother board her plane as she had in her possession two, 6 inch knitting needles. Apparently authorities were worried that she may knit an Afghan.

12
Dec

Bats problem

A bat is flying above a street at night and smashes head on into a telephone post.
I swear, this damn walkman is going to kill me someday

12
Dec

Marines who want alligator shoes

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the no haggle attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, maybe Ill just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!

The vendor said, By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing.

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about. Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, Damn, this one doesnt have any shoes either!

12
Dec

TOP 10 reasons fishing beats sex!

TOP 10 REASONS FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX….

10. LASTS FROM DAWN TILL DUSK

9. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SECRET HOLE

8. ALLOWED SEVERAL FISH DAILY

7. CAN CHOOSE THE LENGTH OF YOUR ROD

6. CAN FISH ANY TIME OF THE MONTH

5. YOU CLEAN IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT

4. ABLE TO TAKE A NAP WHILE YOU FISH

3. THE COST OF BAIT IS CHEAPER THAN A DATE

2. YOU CAN ALWAYS THROW IT BACK

1. YOUR FAVORITE CATCH CAN BE MOUNTED ON THE WALL

12
Dec

The secret code word…

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.

During one Sundays sermon he told them, If one more person confesses to adultery, Ill quit!

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: fallen.

From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had fallen.

This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You cant believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said –

I dont know why youre laughing; your wife fell three times last week!

12
Dec

October 14th – Breaking the sound barrier

October 14, 1947 – Pilot Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X One rocket plane and became the first person to break the sound barrier.

BREAKING THE SOUND BARIER?

The New York Times reports that Nathan P. Myhrvold, Microsofts chief technology officer, working with a paleontologist, has developed a computer model that provides evidence that some dinosaurs may have been able to use their tails like bull whips, creating a cannon-like sonic boom by exceeding the speed of sound with the last few inches of the tail. Thus, dinosaurs, and not Chuck Yeager, may have been the first life forms on the planet to break the sound barrier.

It struck me as somehow appropriate that Microsofts CTO would concern himself with how to make a dinosaur go so fast.

Sandy (AKA Ms Sam)

Chuckles Of Choice Web Site

http://www.chucklesofchoice.com/

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