08
Dec

Lawyers give irrelevant information

Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.

One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, Where are we?

The man yells back, About a half mile from town.

Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, He must have been a lawyer.

The other says, A lawyer! How do you know that?

The first says, That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant.

08
Dec

Bar Joke

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose selling point was that it was on top of the largest skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniels. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everybodys surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.

Easy, says the man.

Outside this window are some very strong wind currents which can carry you back to the window.

Wow, says the man at the bar.

I gotta try this.

He takes a running leap out the window and falls to a horrible, bloody, and flat death.

Geez, Superman, says the bartender.

You can be a real a jerk when youre drunk.

08
Dec

Three Generations of prostitutes

There were three prostitutes living together: a mother, a daughter and a grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down.

How did you do tonight, dear?

asked her mother.

Not too good.

replied the daughter, I only got 20 dollars for a blow job

Wow! said the mother, In my day, we were glad to get 5 dollars for a blow job!

Good God! said the Grandmother, In my day, we were glad to just get something warm in our stomachs!

08
Dec

Lesbian joke!

Did u hear about rosie odonnel? I herd she drowned. really yeah they said they found her face down on Ricky Lake.

08
Dec

What did they call the

What did they call the Chinese prostitute that became pregnant?

– What Went Wong.

08
Dec

A driver, who crashed into

A driver, who crashed into the side of a 3000 ton wheat train
and was dragged in his car more than a kilometre before being slammed
into a pylon at the edge of a cliff, fell to his death as he walked
for help.

The Queensland, Australia man, 63, and his female companion, 64, were
driving along the Newell Highway near Moree, in Northwestern New
South Wales, on Wednesday night, police said.

Their car crashed into the side of a fully laden, 600 metre long
train at a level crossing. (I guess that would be harder to miss
than the side of a barn!) The vehicle became wedged between the
second last and last carriages and was dragged sideways beside the
track as the train continued towards Moree, a police spokeswoman
said.

After being carried more than a kilometre and a half they approached
an unfenced bridge with a 10 metre drop, the spokeswoman said.
Moments before they reached the precipice, the car was struck by a
pylon, dislodged from the train and spun several times. When it came
to rest, the pair managed to free themselves from the wreck (I wonder
if it was a Volvo?) with minor bruising and the man set off along the
railway line for help. But he slipped on the bridge and fell to his
death, the spokeswoman said.

The woman was eventually able to raise the alarm and was recovering
in Moree hospital with chest injuries.

08
Dec

One good thing about repeating

One good thing about repeating your mistakes
is that you know when to cringe.

08
Dec

Gross

Yo mamas so disgusting she got kicked out of red lobster for bringing her own crabs.

08
Dec

You So Poor

You so poor, last time you had a hot meal was when a rich man farted!

08
Dec

The Scots – an ethnic minority with a twist

A lot of ethic groups are known for being tight with money.

Other groups are known to drink too much.

Some groups are even known for being people of few words.

Only the Scots however have combined all these traits and thrown in a kilt and bagpipes for good measure.

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