08
Feb

In tough situations you ask

In tough situations you ask yourself, What would Curly do?

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are Play Ball…

08
Feb

These translations

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say…

WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?

Translated:* What did you catch me at?

IM NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.

Translated:* No one will ever see us alive again.

WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.

Translated:* I make the messes; she cleans them up.

08
Feb

Milking The Cows

A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk.

The young man said I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning! He then continues and says it took me a while to get her started up. She must be old and stubbly.

The uncle says with a confused look Um son we dont have a cow…We have a bull!

08
Feb

Sleeping Around

Mary and Betty were friends that worked in the same office. At lunch, Betty confided to her co-worker that she had an awful row with her husband the night before.

What was it about? asked Mary.

He was going through a closet, looking for something, and found my birth control pills.

Well?

He had a vasectomy two years ago!

08
Feb

Yo Momma so Old

Yo Momma so old the first cruise line she ever road on was Noahs Ark!

08
Feb

The Tyson one-liners

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

Tysons psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood….good thing he didnt say two!

Tysons favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.

For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.

New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!!

They are making a new boxing term for Tyson….instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. Evander was Van Goghd in the third!!!

Cant beat um…Eat um!!!!

If Tyson fights Golatta,is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite?

In this corner Evander the Real Meal Holyfield!!!!!!!

Before the fight, Mikes trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.

Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!

08
Feb

What do true rednecks do

What do true rednecks do on Halloween?

– Pump kin.

08
Feb

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4
men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting
two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men
showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies
were going to be released. They were carrying (and wearing) items which had
been stolen from the car.

08
Feb

Blonde and Toothbrush

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?

A: You dont let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

08
Feb

Who lit the fuse on

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?