10
Aug

Yo mama is so skinny

Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

10
Aug

Remaining as enemies

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, I think Ill go up and get a coke.

No problem, said the Israeli. Ill get it for you. While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israelis shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, That looks good. I think Ill have one too.

Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York.

As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

How long must this go on? he asked. This enmity between our peoples….. this hatred… this animosity… this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?

10
Aug

What Men Know

Top Ten Things Men Know About Women

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

There are more jokes like this at http://www.dirtylaughs.com

10
Aug

Pepito va a ver a

Pepito va a ver a su madre acompañado de su amiguita:

Mamá, ¿verdad que a nuestra edad no se puede tener niños? ¿verdad, mamá?

Claro que no, corazón. Ustedes son demasiado pequeños para eso, responde la madre, sonriendo.

Entonces, volviéndose hacia su amiguita:

Ves, yo te dije que no tenía caso que me retirara…

10
Aug

Cow With No Legs

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground beef.

10
Aug

A quote on marriage

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

10
Aug

If at first you dont

If at first you dont succeed, cheat!

10
Aug

Tire Tread Marks

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said DONT WALK.

10
Aug

Desert Island

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
Its certainly not a ship,he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and asks, How long has it been since youve had a cigarette?
Ten years! he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag, and says, Man, oh man! Is that ever good!
She then asks him, How long has it been since youve had a sip of good bourbon?
Trembling, he replies, Ten Years!
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig, and says, Wow, thats absolutely fantastic!
Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, And how long has it been since youve played around?
The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies, Oh sweet Jesus! … Dont tell me youve got golf clubs in there!

10
Aug

In the same room

A
man and a woman, who have never met before,

find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room

on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed

and uneasy over sharing a room, the two retired and
fell

asleep quickly…he in the upper bunk and she in the
lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman
saying,

"Maam, Im sorry to bother you, but would you
be willing to reach into the

closet to get me a second blanket? Im awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just
for tonight, lets

pretend that were married." "Wow! Thats
a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own fucking
blanket!"

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