18
May

Cheating

Masterbating is like cheating. Its fun until you realize you are only screwing yourself!!!

18
May

Bounced back

Doctor: “I’m sorry to say that the check you gave me has bounced back.”

Banta: “It is right doctor, so has my fever.”

18
May

Q: How do you make a blondes eyes sparkle?

A You shine a flashlight in her ear.

18
May

Engine trouble

The plane was flying over African jungle when the engine failed. Its
three passengers, one from England, one from Germany and one from France
had to jump out of the plane with their parachutes. After a safe landing
they started looking for civilisation, but unfortunately fell into the
hands of the local cannibals. They were brought in front of the tribe
leader. He looked at them and said:

You again!

18
May

My very first time!

The night was young, the moon was high,

We were alone just she and I.

Her hair was soft her eyes were blue,

I new just what she wanted me to do,

Her skin was smooth her legs were fine.

I ran my finger down her spin.

I dont know how but i tried my best,

As I placed my hand on her breast.

I remembered my fear, my fast beating heart.

And slowly she spread her legs apart.

And when I did it I felt no shame,

And all at once white stuff came.

At last it is finished, its all over now.

My first time ever…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

…Milking a cow!

(And what were YOU thinking about?)

18
May

Tomato Grower

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldnt seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.The woman asked the gentlemen, What do you do to get your tomatoes red?The gentlemen responded, Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?No she replied, but my cucumbers are enormous….

18
May

Horse Sense

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.

The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the mans car bumper.

Then he yelled, Pull, Nellie, pull.

Benny didnt move.

Then he yelled, Come on, pull Ranger.

Still, Benny didnt move.

Then he yelled really loud, Now pull, Fred, pull hard.

Benny just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said,

Okay, Benny, pull.

Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.

The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldnt even try.

18
May

Blonde-Coke Machine

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. So she went to the coke machine and put her money in, and a coke came out so she kept putting money in it, and since it was a hot day a line had formed behind her.Finally the man behind her said, Will you hurry up were all hot and thirsty!" And the blonde turned around and said, No way. Im still winning."

17
May

Knock Knock Whos there? Kenneth! Kenneth who? Kenneth little

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Kenneth!
Kenneth who?
Kenneth little kids play with you!

17
May

Three men

Three men walk into a bar,

You think one or them would have seen it!

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