24
Mar

Knock Knock Whos there? Felix! Felix who? Felix-cited all

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Felix!
Felix who?
Felix-cited all over!

24
Mar

Miscellaneous yo mama joke

Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.

24
Mar

What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?

What do you call a zit on a blondes ass? Brain tumor.

24
Mar

Mi madre me ense moral:

Mi madre me enseñó moral:

No se pegue a su prima Pancha.

Mi madre me enseñó religión:

Mejor pídele a Dios que tu padre no se entere.

Mi madre me enseñó patriotismo:

No se pase el retrato del Libertador por el trasero.

Mi madre me enseñó a preguntar:

Pregúntale a tu padre con quien me monta cacho.

Mi madre me enseñó historia:

¿Quien le puso una cinta adhesiva a su padre en la entrepierna?

24
Mar

Earthly Drug Problems

Earthly Drug Problems





Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption problem all over the earth.

After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion that in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try the drugs themselves and then decide on the correct way to proceed. It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the members return to earth to get the different types of drugs.



The secret operation is effected and two days later the commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:



Who is it?

Its Paul

Jesus opens the door.

What did you bring Paul?

Hashish from Morocco

Very well son, come in.



Who is it?

Its Mark

Jesus opens the door.

What did you bring Mark?

Marijuana from Colombia

Very well son, come in.



Who is it?

Its Matthew

Jesus opens the door.

What did you bring Matthew?

Cocaine from Bolivia

Very well son, come in.



Who is it?

Its John

Jesus opens the door.

What did you bring John?

Crack from New York

Very well son, come in.



Who is it?

Its Luke

Jesus opens the door.

What did you bring Luke?

Speed from Amsterdam

Very well son, come in.



Who is it?

Its Judas

Jesus opens the door.

What did you bring Judas?

The FBI! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!

24
Mar

air

QWhat do you get if one blonde blows into another blondes ear?



Adata transfer!

24
Mar

You Are So Cheap – Door Bell

You are so cheap . . .

When someone rang your doorbell, your kids had to yell, ding dong!

24
Mar

Are You Sure?

Drinking A completely inebriated man was stumbling down



the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the



gutter.





A cop pulled up and said, Ive got to take you in, pal.



Youre obviously drunk.





Our wasted friend asked, Officer, are ya absolutely sure



Im drunk?





Yeah, buddy, Im sure, said the copper. Lets go.





Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, Thank goodness, I



thought I was a cripple.

24
Mar

The think positive leader tends

The think positive leader tends to listen to his subordinates premonitions only during the postmortems.

24
Mar

Little Johhnys damn Christmas

A Little Johnny went to sit on Santas lap, and Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

Little Johnny answered, A damn swing set in the backyard.

Excuse me? said Santa.

I want a damn swing set in my backyard, repeated Little Johnny.

Santa said, Youll have to ask nicer if you want Santa to bring you something. Lets try again. What else do you want?

Little Johnny answered, A damn sandbox for the side yard.

You have to ask politely! One more time. What else do you want for Christmas?

Little Johnny thought for a minute, then said, I want a damn trampoline in the front yard.

Santa sighed and set Little Johnny off his lap. Im sorry son, I cant give anything to someone who talks like you do. Im not bringing you anything for Christmas.

Santa then called Johnnys parents over and told them what had happened. They apologized profusely, saying they didnt understand why he talked like that, and they had been trying to break him of the habit with no luck.

I know how to stop it, Santa said. Dont get him anything for Christmas. Just get some dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the swing set, another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the trampoline. That will break him of it.

The parents agreed.

Christmas morning the kid heads downstairs to open their presents. Johnny runs out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front door, looks around, and comes back in, looking upset.

Whats wrong, son? asked his father. What did Santa bring you?

Little Johnny answered, He brought me a damn dog, but I cant find him!