Knock Knock Whos there? Lauren! Lauren who? Lauren order!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Lauren who?
Lauren order!


Yo mama is so short

Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.


Question and answer Clinton joke

Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and James Dean?
A: A man without a clue.


Un tipo va en una

Un tipo va en una visita guiada a una fábrica que produce diferentes productos de látex. En la primera parada le muestran la máquina que fabrica los chupetes de los biberones. La máquina hace un ruidoso Hishhh-Pop, Hishhh-Pop, Hishhh-Pop.

El Hishhh es el caucho que es inyectado en el molde, explica la guía. El Pop es la aguja que crea un agujero en el extremo del chupete.

Más adelante, el viaje alcanza la parte de la fábrica donde se hacen los profilácticos (condones). Aquí la máquina hace un Hishhh, Hishhh, Hishhh, Hishhh-Pop.

¡Espere un minuto!, dice nuestro visitante. Entiendo cual es el Hishhh Hishhh Hishhh, pero ¿qué es ese Pop tan a menudo?

Oh, es lo mismo que en la máquina de los chupetes de biberón: crea un agujero cada cuatro condones.

Pero… eso, ¡es una mariconada!

Efectivamente, pero… ¡Es buenísimo para el negocio de los chupetes!


Dos policas novatos se encuentran

Dos policías novatos se encuentran tres granadas de mano en la calle y deciden llevarlas a la comisaría.

¿Y si nos estalla una?, pregunta el más joven.

No te preocupes, lo tranquiliza el otro, diremos que sólo había dos.


What will Really Happen in 2000

Whats Really Going To Happen At The Year 2000:

99 Bottles of Beer song gets stuck in an infinite loop

At the stroke of midnight on 12/31/1999, Windows 99* turns back into DOS 1.0; the Pentium* V turns back into an 8088, and the Handsome User is left holding a beautiful glass mouse.

Internet Movie Database now lists 1901: A Space Odyssey.

Bob Doles age erroneously listed with only two digits.

Sales of Coca-Cola jump drastically after original cocaine-laden formula becomes legal again.

Software engineers point out that since computers think its almost 1900, we technically have to party like its 1899 (which, frankly, doesnt seem like that much fun).

Microsoft declares the year 1900 to be the new standard of the Gatesian Calendar.

Jesus shows up late for His Second Coming; blames it on COBOL programmers.

Using a computerized adoption service, Michael Jackson mistakenly takes home some octogenarians.

Unexpected demand for COBOL programmers results in severe personnel shortage at McDonalds restaurants.


Fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant…

I finished the Oreos.Not to imply anything, but I dont think the kid weighs 40 pounds.Yknow, looking at her, youd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!I sure hope your thighs arent gonna stay that flabby forever!Well, couldnt they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl.Darned if you aint about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, thats gotta hurt.Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!Im jealous! Why cant men experience the joy of childbirth?Are your ankles supposed to look like that?Get your *own* ice cream.Geez, youre awfully puffy looking today.Got milk ?Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water…Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!You dont have the guts to pull that trigger…


The Pope and the Rams

What do the Pope and the Rams both appearing in the St. Louis Trans World Dome have in common?

They both feature 3 million people saying Jesus Christ!


Presidential Libraries

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton
Adult Bookstore


Xmas top ten things overheard in Santas workshop

Things Overheard in Santas Workshop

As presented on the 12/04/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

  1. Whose tiny fingers are these in the table saw?
  2. The Keebler Elves? Yeah, making cookies … theres a tough gig
  3. Hey, Santa, its Anna Nicole Smith on the phone for you
  4. You know Rudolphs naturally red nose? Collagen injection
  5. Uh-oh — looks like fat boy drank his lunch again
  6. Shut down the assembly line for the Central Park West action figures
  7. Which gifts should we plant at O.J.s house?
  8. Whew! Mia Farrow sure has a lot of kids!
  9. Someday Im gonna make it outta here, just like Ross Perot did
  10. It may be jiggling like a bowl of jelly, but it aint his tummy
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