16
Dec

Thrown out of the lab

Top ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, Does this taste funny to you?

8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as KKK.

16
Dec

Golden Urinal

A man comes home late one night, drunk.

Where have you been? asks his wife.

In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!

This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.

Do you have golden chairs?

Yes.

Do you have golden glasses?

Yes.

Do you have golden beer?

Yes.

Do you have a golden urinal?

Hold on.

On the other end, she hears I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone.

16
Dec

Black man, white…

A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks another beer, and another and…soon he needs to take a leak. Hes standing at the urinal in the mens room, when he looks over and notices three black men standing at the other urinals. He notices that the one in the middle has a white cock. He zips up and, still a bit confused, goes back to the bar. He orders another brewsky and mentions to the bartender, I was in the mens room and noticed three black men in there. I swear the one in the middle had a white cock!

The bartender says, pointing, You mean those three guys at that table over there?

Yes, the man says, Theyre the ones.

Well, replies the bartender, those guys arent black. Theyre coal miners. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch.

16
Dec

Toilet robbery

A man is standing at a urinal when he notices that a midget is watching him. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesnt really become uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs up, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.

Wow, comments the midget, those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!

Surprised, yet flattered, the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.

Listen, I know this is a rather strange request, says the little fellow, but I wonder if you would mind if I touch them.

Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he complies with the request.

The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the mans balls, and says loudly,
Okay, hand me your wallet or Ill jump off the ladder.

16
Dec

Tres amigos se mueren en

Tres amigos se mueren en un accidente. Llegan al cielo y ven una pared con un montón de relojes colgados. Los amigos extrañados preguntan a San Pedro que son esos relojes y San Pedro responde: A cada persona muerta le corresponde un reloj y éste refleja el número de masturbaciones al día en promedio de cada uno.

Juan: ¡Aquí está el mío! Cinco vueltas.

Antonio: ¡El mío está allí! 10 vueltas.

Manolo: Oye San Pedro, no veo el mio.

Y San Pedro contesta:

¡El tuyo lo hemos puesto en el techo de ventilador!

16
Dec

The Cellar

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else… After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task.



I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.



I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.



I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.



Im not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. Im not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I dont know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get. Im not drunk you shilly sit! …

16
Dec

What a large crowd

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.

A farmer replied, Joes mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.

Well, replied the man, she must have had a lot of friends.

Nope, said the farmer, we all just want to buy his mule.

16
Dec

First Rule of History:

First Rule of History: History doesnt repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.

16
Dec

What color Does a Smurf

16
Dec

yo mama so fat…

yo mama so fat she has more rolls then a bakery.

Page 3 of 3,79812345...102030...Last »