18
Jul

Q: How many A

Q: How many A & R men does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Well, Im going to go out on a beam on this one, but I liked it better without the lightbulb.

18
Jul

Job Hunting Dog

A sign was hung in an office window. It read:

Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.

A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He
looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth,
and walked into the managersrs office, making it clear he
wished to apply for the job.

The office manager laughed and said, I cant hire a dog
for this job.

The dog pointed to the line: An equal opportunity
employer.

So the manager said, OK, take this letter and type it.
The dog went off to the word processor and returned a
minute later with the finished letter, perfectly
formatted.

The manager said, Alright, heres a problem. Write a
computer program for it and run it.

Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct
answer.

The manager still wasnt convinced. I still cant hire
you for this position. Youve got to be bilingual.

The dog looked up at the manager and said, Meow.

18
Jul

Was I supposed to be…

Guy: If i saw u naked Id die happy.. Girl: If i saw you naked Id die laughing!!

18
Jul

what do you get?

What do you get with a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite hahahaha

18
Jul

Midget Housing Subsidies

Recently, our town received a grant to build housing for midgets.

According to our demographics, they figured that we should have six midgets living here. They sent enough money so that we could finance the building of homes and let the little people pay less than the going rate for rent.



Since we have only one little person living here it turns out that he wont have to pay anything for the only house we built, the subsidy covers everything.



We call it a Stay Free Mini Pad.

18
Jul

Hilarys Pregnant

Hilary is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and cant believe this has happened.

She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming:



How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!! How could you???!!!



I just found out I am pregnant and it is your fault!!! How could you??? What have you got to say???



There is nothing but silence on the phone. She screams again: CAN YOU HEAR ME???



Bills quiet voice comes on in a barely audible whisper…Who is this???


18
Jul

How do you stop a

How do you stop a black gang from beating you up?

– Throw them a basketball.

18
Jul

When sign makers go on

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket
signs?

18
Jul

Lawyer and fertilizer

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a bag of fertilizer?

Ones a bag of crap, and the others fertilizer.

18
Jul

The Final Proof Why Engineers Dont Make Money

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows,


Work
—- = Power
Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have


Work
—– = Knowledge
Money
Solving for Money, we get:


Work
Money = ———
Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more Money you Make.


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