02
Feb

MADE FOR TVGuns

MADE FOR TV

Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.

02
Feb

Q: How many sax

Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he has to go through a whole box to find just the right one.

02
Feb

Q: How many Microsoft

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just write it up as a new and useful feature.

02
Feb

Irritated Crotch

A little dwarf lady goes into her doctors office complaining of an irritated crotch.

After an examination the doctor sighs, I dont seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?

Yeah, its really bad whenever it rains, she replies.

Well, then, says the Doc, Next time it rains, get in here at once, and well take another look at it.

Two weeks later it’s raining really hard and the little lady shows up at the doctors office. Doctor, its really bad today. Please you have to help me!!

Well, lets have a look, he says as he lifts her up onto the table.

Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse bring me a surgical kit. Dont worry maam this wont hurt a bit.

The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. There you go, maam, try that.

She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, Thats great, Doc, what did you do?!

To which the doctor replied, I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots.

02
Feb

Dos maricas se detienen a

Dos maricas se detienen a la orilla de la carretera y uno de ellos penetra entre los arbustos con el fin de evacuar.

Después de un rato, el sarasa regresa todo pálido y afligido.

¿Pero qué te pasó?, le pregunta alarmado su compañero.

Aborté, responde compungido el afeminado.

¡Ay, tonta, no me espantes! ¡Nosotras no abortamos!

Sí, ven, acompáñame. ¡Mira sus manitas, mira sus ojitos…!

¡Estúpida! ¡Te cagaste en un sapo!

02
Feb

El padre se dirige a

El padre se dirige a sus feligreses:

Si tienen fe sanarán, si tienen fe sanarán; pongan su mano sobre la parte afectada y el milagro ocurrirá.

Una pareja de viejitos está oyendo el sermón. El septuagenario disimuladamente baja la mano y la pone en la ingle. La viejita lo ve y le dice:

Viejo, él habló de milagro de sanación, no de resurrección.

Joke found on http://www.loschistes.com

02
Feb

Philia

I thought I would share a transcript of a particularly productive moment in my 9th grade English (sic) class:



We watched the end of Zeferellis Romeo & Juliet today in class. During the scene in which Romeo discovers Juliet, who appears to be dead, lying in the Capulet family crypt, the following discussion occurred:



Julio Baez: Yo, hes gonna jump on her!

Ms. Young: Julio, nowhere on this planet would that be an appropriate thing to say.

Julio: No, Ms. Young! I think hes a hermaphrodite!

Ms. Young: Julio, hes not a hermaphrodite.

Julio: No, Ms. Young! For real! Theres really people who like to have sex with dead people!

Ms. Young: Yes, but theyre not called hermaphrodites, theyre called necrophiliacs.

Julio: (Aside to Felix) Shes so stupid. (To me) No Ms. Young, necrophiliac is when you have that disease where you cant stop bleeding.



At least theyre learning something.

02
Feb

Mary Poppins has retired from

02
Feb

Why did the skeleton cross the road?

He had to get to the body shop.

02
Feb

Two Surds were flying to….

Two Surds were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes
into the flight, the Captain announces, One of the engines has failed
and the flight will be an hour longer. But dont worry, we have three
engines left.
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announces, One more engine has
failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But dont worry, we have
two engines left.
An hour later, the Captain announces, One more engine has failed
and the flight will be three hours longer. But dont worry, we have one
engine left.
One Surdarji looked at the other and said, If we lose one more
engine, well be up here all day!