13
May

Una pareja se casa y

Una pareja se casa y al llegar al lecho de amor, el marido pesca a la mujer y comienza a darle. La primera noche le hizo el amor treinta y cuatro veces; la segunda otras treinta y cuatro y así diariamente hasta que terminó el primer mes de casados. La mujer, afligida, le cuenta el problema a su madre:

¡Mamá, Fernando me lo hace a cada rato, donde me pilla practica el coito: en la cocina, en el baño, en el auto!

La madre, luego de escuchar a la hija, recomienda:

Hija, esta noche, cuando Fernando llegue del trabajo, dile que te ha llegado tu periodo y que no podrá hacerte el amor. Eso te dará un descanso de una semana por lo menos.

Siguiendo el consejo, la mujer espera al marido en la noche, quién llegó concupiscente.

¡Fernando, detente, esta vez no podremos hacer nada: estoy en mi periodo!

El tipo se viste y se va al living. Cuando regresa, llega con una botella de champagne y unas copas. La mujer, extrañada, le pregunta que qué celebran. Con una sonrisa de oreja a oreja, el marido contesta:

La semana del culo.

13
May

Jesus is Watching

Late one night, a burgler broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, he heard a voice say: Jesus is watching you!

Nothing happened, so the burgler crept forward again. Jesus is watching you – said the voice.

The burgler stopped dead in his tracks. He looked around. In a dark corner he spotted a bird cage with a parrot in it.

Was that you who said Jesus is watching me? he asked.

Yes said the parrot.

The burgler breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, Whats your name?

Clarence answered the bird. Thats a dumb name for a parrot, sneered the burgler. What idiot named you Clarence?

The parrots answer: The same idiot who named the Bulldog, Jesus.

13
May

Red sea

Q.What happens when you throw a rock

into a red sea?



A. It gets wet.

13
May

Famed Anthropologist Mary Leakey died

Famed Anthropologist Mary Leakey died at the age of 83. Leakey
was buried near her home, where she will rest in peace, until
some nosy anthropologist digs her up.

– Norm MacDonald

13
May

<——– The information went data

<——– The information went data way ——–

13
May

Its not hard to meet

Its not hard to meet expenses, theyre everywhere.

13
May

Pizza Cutting

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it
in six or twelve pieces.

A: Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.

13
May

Pointless

Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?

13
May

At the convention of blondes


At a convention of blones, a speaker insisted that "dumb
blonde" myth is all wrong. To prove it he asked
one cute young volunteer, "How much is 101 plus
20?"

The blonde answered, "120."

"No," he said, "thats not right."

The audience called out, "Give her another chance."

So the speaker asked the blonde, "How much is 10
plus 13?"

Slowly the blonde replied, "16."

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. Once again
the crowd roared, "Give her another chance."

"This is your last try," warned the speaker.
"How much is 2 plus 2?"

Carefully she ventured, "Four?"

And the crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"

13
May

Womens slogans

  1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
  2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
  3. If they dont have chocolate in heaven, I aint going.
  4. At my age, Ive seen it all, done it all, heard it all … I just cant remember it all.
  5. My Mother Is a travel agent for guilt trips.
  6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
  7. Coffee, chocolate, men … Some things are just better rich.
  8. Dont treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
  9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
  10. Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
  11. Its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything.
  12. My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldnt please any!
  13. Guys have feelings too. But like … who cares?
  14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
  15. I used to be schizophrenic, but were OK now.
  16. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
  17. Of course I dont look busy … I did it right the first time.
  18. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
  19. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
  20. My husband is the head of the household, but Im the neck (and the neck can turn the head anyway it wants it to move).
  21. Im one of those bad things that happen to good people.
  22. How can I miss you if you wont go away?
  23. Sorry if I looked interested. Im not.
  24. If we are what we eat, Im fast, cheap and easy.
  25. I run things at my house! (the vacuum cleaner, washing machine, iron, etc.)
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