19
Nov

Why dont Polish workers get

Why dont Polish workers get a lunch break?

Because theyd have to retrain afterwards.

19
Nov

Offensive golf joke

It seems that a golfer came in from the course with contusions about the throat; he could hardly talk. His friends asked him what happened to him out there.

In a very scratchy voice and with much effort he said, Well, when I teed off on the sixteenth hole I sliced the damn thing so bad that it went entirely over the rough and into the cow pasture. So, I climbed the fence to look for my ball, but I couldnt find it in the high grass.

Just then I noticed something white sticking in a cows ass. I lifted up her tail and looked, but it was a Dunlop and I was playing a Spaulding. Suddenly, this lady was climbing the fence – she was looking for her ball too.

So I lifted up the cows tail and pointed and said, Lady, does this look like yours? And she hit me in the throat with a five iron.

19
Nov

Unfaithful Wife

A wealthy man goes to his office one morning. When he gets there he realizes
that he has left his wallet at home and there is something important in it
that he needs. He gets on the phone, calls home where the butler answers.

James, I left my wallet in my pants, and I need you to get it for me. There
is an important paper that you can read to me over the phone.

The butler goes upstairs to the bedroom to get the wallet. A few minutes
later he comes back to the phone to tell the man, I am sorry, your wife is
in the bedroom and she does not let me in to get the wallet!

The man tells James, I do not care about that! Tell her you need to get in!
Just get the wallet for me, now!

James goes upstairs again, and returns a minute later, Sir, I could not
find your wallet, but I did discover a man hiding in the room with your
wife!

What? I do not believe this! OK. Listen to me! This is what I want you to
do. Go upstairs and shoot the man and my wife along with him before he gets
away! Hurry, now!

James runs off again. A few minutes later, the man hears shotgun blasts in
the background. James returns to the phone and tells him, OK, I did it.
They are both dead. Now what?

The man replies, Now I want you to take the bodies and dump them in the
swimming pool. I am on my way. I will be there shortly!

What? says James, you do not have a swimming pool!

I am sorry, says the man, wrong number.

19
Nov

CIA

Two men and a woman are in training for the cia to be spys. They walked into a hotel where they where suppose to do there last bit of training. There trainers handed the one man a 9mm hand gun and said your wife is in the room in a chair go kill her. The man said i cant do that so the trainer fires him.The same thing happen tothe next man. Finally the woman comes they hand her the gun and said your husband is in there in a chair go kill him. She walks in the room they herd some shots go off then a lot of riot she comes out and says you didnt tell me that fucking gun had blanks so i had to beat him to death with a chair.

19
Nov

Doctor Sex

This chick walks into a doctors office and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute, so she does.

The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks do you know what Im doing now and she replies youre checking for menopause and he says very good.

Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her do you know what Im doing now and she says checking for breast cancer and he says very good.

Then he jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what hes doing now and she replies contracting genital herpes cause thats why I came to see you

19
Nov

Credit fraud

Heres a joke I appropriated from an old TV show:

Police: Mr. Johnson, we have just arrested a thief carrying several
credit cards with Mrs. Johnsons name on them.

Mr. Johnson: Tell the thief he can keep them.

Police: But dont you want your credit cards back?

Mr. Johnson: No. Hes been spending only about half as much as
Mrs. Johnson.

19
Nov

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?

A: Theyre too hard to peel.

19
Nov

Determining the sex of flies

I stopped at a friends shop the other day and found him stalkin around with a fly swatter.

When I asked if he was gettin any flies, he answered, Yeah, 3 males and 2 females.

Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference.

He answered, 3 were on a beer can, and 2 were on the phone.

19
Nov

1. Golden Retriever: The

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, weve got our whole lives ahead of us, and youre inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?2. Border Collie: Just one. And then Ill replace any wiring thats not up to code. 3. Dachshund: You know I cant reach that stupid lamp! 4. Rottweiler: Make me. 5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. 6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! 7. German Shepherd: Ill change it as soon as Ive led these people from the dark, check to make sure I havent missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. 8. Jack Russell Terrier: Ill just pop it in while Im bouncing off the walls and furniture. 9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Im sorry, but I dont see a light bulb? 10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. 11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. 12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there .. 13. Greyhound: It isnt moving. Who cares? 14. Australian Shepherd: First, Ill put all the light bulbs in a little circle … 15. Poodle: Ill just blow in the Border Collies ear and hell do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. The Cats Answer: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage? ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

19
Nov

Riddle Of Men

What do men have difficulty retaining?

a) a job b) a budget c) a promise d) a secret e) a friendship f) a

marriage g) an anniversary date h) a 30-minute erection i) all of

the above

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