21
May

Christmas tree better

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

A Christmas tree doesnt care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

A Christmas tree doesnt care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

21
May

Captains Red Shirt

Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!

The captain then called for his first mate and said, First mate, bring me my red shirt! The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.

The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, Captain, two pirate ships closing fast! Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, First mate, bring me my red shirt! The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.

During the celebration the first-mate asked, Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?

The answer is simple. That way, if Im injured, the crew wont know and they wont lose hope.

Just then the lookout burst through the door, Captain, ten ships closing fast!

First mate, bring me my brown pants!

21
May

The Top 15 Ways Your

The Top 15 Ways Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long

15. Wet willies from two tables away!

14. Almost guaranteed to be Madonnas sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.

13. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.

12. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.

11. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.

10. Two-handed typing during cybersex!

9. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but youre 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!

8. Youd be a shoe-in for Hollywood Lizard Boy roles.

7. For once, itll be the dogs turn to look at you with envy.

6. Youd need Mick Jaggers lips & John Elways teeth to stay in proportion.

5. When picking nose, can cut out the middle man.

4. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin picnic basket!

3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.

2. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.

and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long…

1. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you cant help but question her motives.

21
May

Al momento de salir la

Al momento de salir la carroza funebre, Pepito rompe a llorar.

Papá, no me dejes, llévame contigo, papá, buahhhhh…

El público aglomerado en la salida de la funeraria rompe a llorar sin

contemplación. Y el niño continuaba su cuadro de dolor:

Papá no me dejes, no me dejes papá, llévame contigooooo…

De repente el chofer de la carroza, frena y sale del vehiculo y grita:

¡Mira muchacho del demonio, vete para la casa y déjame trabajar!

21
May

Dos madres se encuentran en

Dos madres se encuentran en el rellano de la escalera y una le dice a la otra:

¿Qué tal tu hija?

La otra contesta:

Uy de maravilla, después de hacer la entrevista para ese trabajo que te dije la cogieron, en 2 semanas la han ascendido de administrativa a jefa de sección, el jefe le ha dado un coche de empresa y ahora le va a alquilar un apartamento cerca de la oficina para que tarde menos en llegar al trabajo. ¿Y la tuya?

Pues la mía igual de puta pero con menos suerte.

21
May

Blonde Licence

There was a blonde driving down the center of the road at 100 mph. A police officer pulled her over to the side of the road. When she had stopped, the officer asked, License and Registration please.



Its okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do this, she said smiling.



Thats impossible! The officer replied, Ive never heard of such a license.



The blonde then reached into her purse and handed him her license. Astonished, the Officer said, Just as I suspected. This is an ordinary license, I see nothing here that would allow you special consideration.



She pointed to the bottom of the license, See? it says so right here: Tear Along The Dotted Line.


21
May

Did you hear about the

Did you hear about the two Mexicans on Thats Incredible?

One had auto insurance, and the other was an only child.

21
May

Recently I answered the phone

Recently I answered the phone and it was a sales person from a long
distance company. They asked for my late father by name.

Im sorry, I answered, but hes dead.

Their reply, May I leave a number in case the situation changes?

21
May

How do you get a tissue to dance?

– You give it a boogie!

21
May

Prostitute and Nymph

Q: Whats the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?

A: The prostitute says, Arent you done yet?

The nympho says, Are you done already?

The blonde says, Beige. . . I think Ill paint the ceiling beige.

Page 9 of 3,798« First...7891011...203040...Last »