What the Boss Really Said on Our Appraisal Sheet:

PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL TERMS AND THEIR REAL MEANINGS

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLSAble to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLSSpends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEENot too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIEDMade no major blunders; yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITYToo ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLYDrinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLYSpouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKERNobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKINGOffers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKERWont make a decision
AGGRESSIVEObnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBSGets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELLSpeaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAILA nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIESIs tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENTLucky
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOURKnows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDEDBack Stabber
LOYALCant get a job anywhere else!!!