Ahhh Women…

( unknown author )

Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess

I have two mounds upon my bodice

I shave my legs, I sit down to pee

I can justify any shopping spree

Not to a barber, but a beauty salon

Can get a massage without a hard on

Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas

Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass

I always save money by using coupons

Can admit to others when I am wrong

Dont drive in circles at any cost

So I dont have to admit when I am lost

Dont act like Im in a timed marathon

Every time I go to the john

Let me tell you men

Listen to me boys

Those things in your pants

That you treat as toys

You love them more then we ever will

We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill

I spend two hours preparing for a date

Only to find youre two hours late

I dont watch movies with lots of gore

Dont need instant replay to remember the score

I wont lose my hair

I dont get jock itch

And just cause Im assertive

Dont call me a bitch

I dont wear the same underwear everyday

The food in my fridge has no sign of decay

I dont go to Sears

To look at the tools

I dont cheat at poker

I follow the rules

I dont smoke cigars

Dont pay for drinks at bars

I dont punch my friends just to say Hi

And its O.K. for me to cry

I know all you men

Think that youre IT

But compared to a woman

You just aint shit!