Why was Moses wandering through the desert for 40 years?



Because men refuse to ask for directions!





Whats the fastest way to a mans heart?



Through his chest with a sharp knife.





What is the worst part of a mans body?



His penis because it has a head with no brains, hangs out with two nuts and lives around the corner from an asshole.





When is a man as smart as a woman



When he is plugged in to one.





How come men never sink in water?



Shit floats.





Why did the man cross the road?



Because there were no women on his side.





Why are men like blenders?



You need one, but youre not quite sure why.





What is the difference between men and pigs?



Pigs dont turn into men when they drink.





Why dont men ever get MAD COW DISEASE?



Because men are all PIGS.





WHY IS FOOD BETTER THEN MEN ?



YOU DONT HAVE TO WAIT AN HOUR FOR SECONDS!





WHY ARE MEN LIKE POPCORN ?



THEY SATIFY YOU BUT ONLY FOR A WHILE !





How many men does it take to change a light bulb?



None. Let the bitch do the ironing in the dark.





How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Who knows; they never get the house





What does a beer bottle and a guy have in common?



There both empty from the neck up.





why did the man get fired from the Orange Juice factory?



he wasnt concentrating





Why do women have more trouble with hemorrhoids than men?



Because God made man the perfect asshole.





What do men and linoleum have in common?



Lay them right and you can walk all over them the rest of your life.





What do men and microwaves have in common?



Theyre both done in 30 seconds.





Whats a mans idea of foreplay?



A half hour of begging





How can you tell if a man is well hung?



If you cant get your finger between the rope and his neck!!!!





How do you get a man to do sit-ups?



Put the remote control between his feet.





What did the elephant say to the naked man?



Its kinda cute, but can it pick up peanuts?





Whats the diff. between Bigfoot and an honest man?



Bigfoot has been sighted!





Why are all dumb Blond jokes one liners?



So men can understand them.





What is the difference between government bonds and men?



Government bonds mature.





Whats a mans idea of helping with house work?



lifting his legs so you can vacuum.





Whats the difference between man and E.T.?



E.T. phoned home.





What did God say when he created man?



I can do better than this.





How do men define a 50/50 relationship?



They cook, we eat. They clean, we dirty. They iron, we wrinkle





How do men exercise at the beach?



Everytime they see a bikini, they suck their belly in.





What does a man concider a seven corse meal to be?



A hot dog and a 6 pack.





Why are men like noodles?



they are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they are always in need of dough.





Why is it good that there are female astronauts?



because if the crew gets lost, at least the woman will ask for directions.