Tim scrambled backward rapidly, trying to avoid the Barneys outstretched hand. The great purple paw swept by a foot in front of him. The Barney looked at its hand, as if surprised to see it was empty. Then it took a step forward by placing its left foot on the ground next to the thermal pool.

The silica surface gave way, and the Barneys foot dropped into a scaulding cauldron of hissing team and surging water. It yanked its foot out quickly, and hopped around on its good one for several seconds. The ground quaked violently with its exertions. New cracks appeared in the volcanic field, and geysers sprang from them. The road bucked under Tims feet. He grabbed onto the Explorer to maintain his balance.

The Barney stopped jumping and looked at its foot, where blisters were already beginning to form. Its smile was gone, and its expression was becoming more sour by the second. Tim hoped it would say a dirty word.

A smile returned to the Barneys face as it looked at Tim. Hello, there! Do you know that you can get a really, REALLY bad burn if you walk on the ground near a geyser or a hot spring? The ground can be very thin in these areas, and you can fall through and get hurt! Remember to stay on the roads and the designated walkways when you are in these areas. If you are with an adult, like your mommy or daddy, hold hands while you are here. Dont forget that I want you to have a fun and safe time while you are visiting me, cuz I LOVE YOU!

No way! Huh-huh, huh-huh. You suck! Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh.

The Barney appeared to be puzzled. Suck what? it asked.

Uuuuuuuuuuh … huh-huh, huh-huh, huh-huh, what a wuss! Huh-huh, huh-huh.

After several seconds of digesting Tims commentary, the Barney decided to go with what it knew. Why dont we sing a song? it suggested.

Sing something cool! Huh-huh, huh-huh. Yeah! Sing some rap! Heh-heh, heh-heh. Rap kicks ass! Huh-huh, huh-huh.

Rap?

Yeah, like that song by NWRBA: Spread Em, Bitch, An Lemme Do Ya. Heh-heh, heh-heh. I like the video, with all those black chicks with big thingeys and, like, no clothes on. Thats cool. Huh-huh, huh-huh. I like the explosions where they kill all the cops. Heh-heh, heh-heh. Yeah, thats cool. Huh-huh, huh-huh.

Uh, I dont think I know that one. How about this?

Stay on the sidewalk, thats where you want to be

Stay on the sidewalk, where you can be with me–

Shut up! That sucks! Huh-huh, huh-huh. What a wuss! He should sing with George Michael! Heh-heh, heh-heh. Yeah. Go away! Huh-huh, huh-huh.

What did you say? the Barney asked in disbelief.

Get lost! Go away! We dont want to listen to you! Huh-huh, huh-huh. Uh, were, like, going deaf and stuff. Go away! Huh-huh, huh-huh.

You really mean it?

Yeah. Get out before I kick your ass! Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh.

The Barney seemed to sniff the air for a moment. Perhaps I should leave, it said pensively. It turned its back and began to trudge away, limping slightly. Something seemed to be lurking in its shadow, but a wind-borne cloud of steam prevented a good look at the figure.

Tim was only aware of the retreating Barney. Whoa! Did you see that, Beavis? Huh-huh, huh-huh. Yeah! Does this mean we kick ass? Heh-heh, heh-heh. It sure does, Beavis. Huh-huh, huh-huh.

When Grant, Ellie and Malcolm arrived a moment later, they found Tim in the center of the road, playing air guitar and bellowing out chords from Ironman.

Jurassic Park II Created by Edward Ostigny eostigny@herc.dnet.ge.com.

Reprinted with permission by Thomas R. James james@muppet.dnet.ge.com.

Characters based on the Michael Crichton novel Jurassic Park