Reasons to set yourself on fire in a mall

The Associated Press: A man shouting freedom and liberty for all set himself on fire in a suburban shopping mall Friday and hurled flaming objects at shoppers…
– Friday, November 23, 2001

You warned them youd do it if they opened up a sixth Starbucks.

Line for Santa is like two hours long.


Been searching for 45 minutes for your car in the garage and you just dont know where the hell it is.

Compared to walking around while your wife looks at cups for another hour, its bliss.

Cant find a chair.

Want to prove to your idiot friend that the combo fire extinguisher / martini mixer for sale in that stupid gadget store simply wont work.

You just lifted four CDs from Coconuts and you sense mall security closing in – and those bastards wont take you alive.

It was either that or let them force you to eat one of them disgusting Cinnabons.

Swallowed all bin Ladens crap about them 82 virgins.

You put on too much Obsession, lit a cigarette, and – poof!

(c) Daily Wonk Lists 2001

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