You might be a redneck if…

Your momma doesnt remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

Youve ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin dog.

Youre an expert on worm beds.

The dogcatcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

Your wife has ever said, Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!

Your family tree does not fork.

The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

You haul more than U-Haul.