A Redneck Valentine …author unknown

Collards is green my dogs name is Blue and hes all I know of thats purdier than you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze Softer than Blues and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You aint got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yore as satisfyn as okry jist a-fryn in the pan Yore as fragrant as snuff right out of the can.

You have soma yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when were in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, Im in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yore there fer yore man, to patch up lifes troubles and fix what you can.

Yore as cute as a junebug a-buzzin overhead. You aint mean like them far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, my life is complete; Aint nuttin I lack. Yore complexion, its perfection, like the best vinyl sidin. despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin.

Me n yous like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentines Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, its romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger. Thats awsum, I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market stand.
Diamonds are forever, they explain, proud an grand.

But for this man, honey, these gifts jus wont do. Cause yore far too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds… ITS A NEW TROLLIN MOTOR!!