Rules to live by for computer users

Rules to live by for computer users from the Tech Support Department:

Dont write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an I.T. person says hes coming right over, go for coffee. Its nothing for us to remember 3,000 screen saver passwords.
When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We dont have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
When you call the help desk, state what you want, not whats keeping you from getting it. We dont need to know that you cant get into your mail because your computer wont power on at all.
Dont put your phone extension in your e-mails to the help desk. We need to keep an eye on the address book performance.
When I.T. support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. Were just testing the public groups.
When an I.T. person is eating lunch in his cube, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
When an I.T. person is having a smoke outside, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients who dont have e-mail or a telephone line.
Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When you call an I.T. persons direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says hes out of town for a week, record your message and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. Youre entitled to common courtesy.

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