Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that
God had had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal
was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary,
claimed that she had given birth to Gods only son last
week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem. Sources close to
Mary claim that she had loved God for a long time, that
she was constantly talking about her relationship with God,
and that she was thrilled to have had his child.

In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement
denial, saying that No sexual relationship existed, and
that the facts of this story will come out in time,
verily.

Independent counsel Kenneth Beazulbub immediately filed a
brief with the Justice department to expand his
investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments
may have been broken, and whether God had illegally
funnelled laundered money to his illegitimate child through
three foreign operatives know only as the Wise Men.

Beazulbub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are
rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair. Critics
have pointed out that these allegations have little to do
with the charges that Beazulbub was originally appointed to
investigate, that God had created large-scale flooding in
order to cover up evidence of a failed land deal.

In recent months, Beazulbubs investigation has already been
expanded to cover questions surrounding the large number of
locusts that plagued Gods political opponents in the last
election, as well as to claims that the destruction of the
cities of Sodom and Gommorah was to divert attention away
from a scandal involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of
public land in Promised County to a Jewish special interest
group was quid pro quo for political contributions. If these
allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge blow
to Gods career, much of which has been spent crusading for
stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for
wrongdoers.

Indeed, God recently outlined a tough-on-crime plan
consisting of a series of 10 Commandments, which has been
introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses. Critics of
the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provisions for
the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU
are planning to fight the Name in Vain Commandment as
being an unconstitutional restriction on free speech.