09
Aug

Scrotum Self-Repair (explicit language)

The attached was sent to me by a medical associate. Its not terribly funny but somewhat amusing. All I can say is: OUCH!!!


One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he needed a doctor who took care of mens problems. The patient was pale, febrile, feverish and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of torn, black and blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts and two or three yards of foul smelling stained gauze, wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous (swollen) skin and various exudates, I saw some half buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked and he had closed the laceration himself with a heavy duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one inch staples of the type used to put up wall board.

We X-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples, admitted him to the hospital and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachloro-phene sitz baths prior to surgury the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement (removal old dead skin) of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rust staples were retrieved and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed (ripped or torn out) and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels litigated (tied off) properly, though not much of a hematoma (pocket of blood) was present. Through and through Penrose drains (7) were sutured loosely in site and teh skin loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful and before his release from hospital less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me. An unmarried loner, he usually didnt leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive belt of a large floor based piece of machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley wheel and the drive belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume that he has abandoned this method of self gratification.

Most viewed Jokes (20)