Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant Ill just say, Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly.

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs? Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, theyre killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? Sweetheart, lets make up. Have this deceased squirrel.

Cant we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why dont they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why dont you ever see anyone take one to the beach?

Why do they call it a building? It looks like theyre finished. Why isnt it a built?

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isnt that the basic idea behind the wheel? Dont they rotate on their own?

All the kings HORSES and all the kings men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldnt put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!

Isnt it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, Oh, man, I cant wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still cant get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys cant even get the DETERGENT white! Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it! I think not.

Who is this guy Louis Freeh who is head of the FBI? People keep calling him Louie, like he was the king of France or something. And whats this with his last name? What does this mean, that he gives away the letter H?

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