Selection of Passover jokes

It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, Who wrote this?!!

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:

Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot.

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, Why is this knight different from all other knights?

Q: Why do we have an Haggadah at Passover?

A: So we can Seder right words.

Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction?

A: A matzochist.

This is a little known tale of how G-d came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments.

G-d first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. Whats a commandment? they asked. Well, its like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, replied G-d. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, No way, that would ruin our weekends.

So then G-d went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, Whats a commandment? Well, said G-d, Its like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. The Assyrians immediately replied, No way. That would ruin our economy.

So finally G-d went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, How much? G-d said, Theyre free.

The Jews said, Great! Well take TEN!

Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldnt even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

You, Moses, heed me ! I have good news, and bad news.

Moses was staggered. The voice continued:

You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs

You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust.

You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaohs army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land.

Moses was stunned. He stammered, Thats…. thats fantastic. I cant believe it! — But whats the bad news?

You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.

Most viewed Jokes (20)