Signs Martha Stewart is Stalking YOU!

1. Twice this week youve been the victim of a drive-by doilying.
2. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.
3. On her show, she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen-over licorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.
4. That telltale lemon slice in the dogs water bowl.
5. You get a threatening note made up of letters out of a magazine with pinking shears, and theyre all the same size, the same font, and precisely
lined up in razor-sharp rows.
6. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal and saffron demi-glace, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.
7. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.
8. No matter where you eat, your place setting
always includes an oyster fork.9. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.
10. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

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